How To Define Your Own Version Of Success
Everyone’s version of success is different.
And that’s ok. It’s time we all started to ignore the opinions and judgements of others and create our own dream life.
Here are 6 tips to help you get started so you can define your own version of success and start living life on your terms.
There has been nothing I’ve wanted more in the past year and a half than to escape the UK.
And please don’t think that this dream of mine was concocted during lockdown in order for me to escape the pandemic, the unpredictable shit British weather and an environment that I find both depressing and unmotivating.
It was always my plan to live a nomad life.
To live abroad and explore new and exciting cultures and spend every month in a different place.
To work remotely.
In March 2020 I was supposed to move to Japan to teach English for a year.
A couple of months before I was due to go, I started to head down a different entrepreneurial path.
And with the impending Coronavirus which was slowly making its way around the world, the safest option for me was to turn down the offer to move to Japan.
I then turned my attention to moving somewhere more digital nomad friendly. Somewhere where living costs were cheaper and I could build my business under the sun.
But then the country where I dreamed of moving to the most closed its border and a world-wide travel ban was introduced.
So to say that I’ve been planning my escape from the UK for the past year and a half is probably a bit of an understatement.
Because it’s more than just an escape.
It’s an opportunity for me and John to build a life outside of the UK.
To build a life of travel, adventure and freedom.
To find a place we both love so much that we end up making it our base.
Space to heal and grow
This week I’ve felt particularly low. Because my dream, my vision and the life I want to create so badly seems to be getting further and further away from reach.
The one thing that was holding us back the most was the sale of our house which has been under offer since March.
Although things are moving with the solicitors, the slow pace that everything is going at is filling us with dread that any moment the buyer is going to pull out.
But now other things that are out of my control have started to get in the way.
It’s like the universe is doing everything in its power to stop me and John from leaving the UK and it’s making me feel deflated.
And this morning, I woke up to cloud, heavy wind and rain and a mere 14 degrees outside. It felt like I had gone back in time five months and reliving the nightmarish hell that was Winter 2020/21.
I feel as though I’m currently standing still and not going anywhere.
I feel stuck.
So apologies if I’m on the negative side of life this week. I always wanted my blog to be a place to help you find a moment of calm in a busy world.
But I also want it to be a safe place for me too.
A place where I can vent and address my feelings but also reflect on them.
Where I can be as transparent as possible and not feel judged.
So today, I’m using this space to heal and to grow.
To remind myself of my vision, the bigger picture and how I define success.
Success to me means…
Last week I attended a co-working session that was all about defining our own version of success.
Success to me means feeling confident and competent in myself, my business, my path and my vision.
Success to me is waking up, feeling truly happy and excited about the environment that surrounds me.
It’s having the freedom to travel the world.
So when the question came up, “when do you feel successful?” I couldn’t answer it.
Because currently I don’t feel successful in my day to day life.
And I also struggled to answer “when was the last time you felt successful?”
I wrote down, 2 years ago. When I was travelling through South East Asia and South America. I felt independent and confident in myself.
I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone and challenging myself every day.
Emotionally, physically and mentally, I was at my strongest and healthiest.
And I’m constantly striving to get back to this place which I deem as successful.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved in the past two years and in no way do I feel like a failure.
But I feel like I haven’t managed to reach this level of success since.
It’s still a work in progress.
The illusion of success
In a world where productivity, appearance and money dictate how successful you are, it’s easy to feel a little bit inadequate sometimes.
As though you’re not good enough.
Especially if you choose to follow a different path than what is expected of you.
There seems to be this age-old illusion that success means getting married before 30, having kids before turning 40, buying a house and having a “competitive” job that pays you a 6-figure salary.
And unfortunatley this is how most people still view success. My friends and family included.
On social media, success in the “female entrepreneur community” seems to be sold to you as working a 4-hour week and making 10k+ months.
But honestly, success can be whatever you want it to be.
Not what the world and what people around you think it should be.
Even breaking away from the “norm” and doing something different from all your friends is successful.
So whatever you choose success to be, make sure it’s something that brings joy and accomplishment to your life every day.
How to define your own version of success
We are so influenced by family, friends, social media and entrepreneurs that we look up to, that it is so important that you take the time to figure out what success means to you.
You need to map out your dream life and create your own vision so that you are not following someone else’s dream.
Or worse, living a life that others want you to live.
To help you get started with defining your own version of success, I have noted down a few tips for you below.
1. Figure out your core values
Before you can start to create your dream life and define your version of success, it’s important that you first figure out your core values.
Your values can help you to find your purpose. A purpose that will make you feel happy and fulfilled every day.
You can then set goals, make decisions and take action based on these values.
2. Do some deep thinking and answer these questions:
- What are your main goals in life? i.e. Having a family, becoming financially independent, buying a yacht
- Describe someone successful that you either know or admire. What makes them successful in your eyes?
- How is success measured among the people you spend the most amount of time with?
- What does success look like to you?
- When was the last time you felt successful?
- How will you feel when you have achieved your version of success?
3. Map out what your ideal day, week or month looks like
I do this exercise quite regularly when I’m feeling low or a million years away from achieving my dream life.
It helps to realign me with my values and vision.
So take some time to do this exercise.
Close your eyes and block out distractions.
Ask yourself where you want to wake up every morning.
How do you feel when you wake up?
Get specific.
What time is it?
Who are you with?
What do you do immediately after you open your eyes?
Map out the whole day from morning to evening.
How are you spending your day?
Where are you when the sun sets?
What do you eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Use your imagination. Visualise it.
The sooner you start to see yourself living out your ideal day, the sooner you can start believing that you can get there.
4. Ignore the opinions and judgements of others
In order for you to live out your version of success, you need to stop wasting your time justifying yourself to others and instead protect your energy.
Since reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert I’ve been living by this quote:
“Let people have their opinions. More than that — let people be in love with their opinions, just as you and I are in love with ours. But never delude yourself into believing that you require someone else’s blessing (or even their comprehension) in order to make your own creative work. And always remember that people’s judgements about you are none of your business”
Elizabeth gilbert | big magic
So put your energy towards making “your success” happen. Because you don’t need anyone else’s encouragement than your own.
5. Make it happen and stay aligned
Now that you have figured out your core values, mapped out your dream lifestyle and dug deep, it’s time to take action.
Put a plan in place to help you get to where you want to be.
Break your plan down into goals. And then turn these goals into more manageable tasks.
“The most effective way to do it is to do it.”
Amelia Earhart
6. be patient
As annoying and unmotivating as it might be, things do take time.
But as long as you are taking action towards where you want to be, you are already closer than you think.
Something that I need to keep reminding myself of as well.
(I told you today’s blog post was going to be a healing journey).
No matter how slowly things are progressing or how it might feel as though you are just standing still, just know you are right where you need to be.
Be patient and don’t ever give up on your dream.
Final thoughts
If you are struggling to define your own version of success or are currently not living your dream life then I hope you find comfort in these tips.
Because I want you to start believing in your dreams.
Create a life you want to live.
And don’t let anyone stand in your way.
Until next week,
♡ Thalia xx
